(This was originally drafted in June 2011, when I was only a few months into my first unemployment stint. That stint caused me to travel to Afghanistan to find work – a job that was a learning experience, both professionally and personally. It is interesting to read what I wrote here and then add on to it with the benefit of hindsight. I might not yet know where I am going, but I have a better sense of who I am and where I’ve been.
Revisiting this post was also inspired by this article on being nice and its effect in relationships.)
(2011 text in black. 2015 text in blue.)
A few years ago, after my move to Tampa and the start of my career, I started labeling each year of my life as it corresponded with my professional and financial rise. The years took on an almost Jay-Z-like feel in their names.
2006 was The Establishment as I found a good paying job, moved to Tampa, and began to get my feet under me.
2007 was The Groundwork as I paid off much of my student debt, bought my first new truck, started the 401K, and moved into a decent apartment.
2008 was The Expansion as I got a raise, moved to South Tampa, built up the savings account, and started looking towards freelance work.
2009 was The Build-up as I increased savings, started writing on different sites, looked at MBA programs, got another raise, went in front of a promotion selection committee, and received an exemplary rating at work, a level reserved for the top 10%.
So far, so good, right? But 2010 didn’t quite go as smooth as it should have. Although I did some of my best freelance work, culminating in being published in the Bus Leagues Baseball book, I was getting stagnant and antsy at the 9-to-5. It was paying the bills and pumping up the savings account, but I was feeling cornered. Things weren’t bad, but they weren’t good.
Then 2011 struck.
2011 was supposed to be my year. It was supposed to be the year I paid off my truck and achieved some desired financial goals allowing me to look at either buying a home or pursuing a PhD. I had been looking forward to the summer of 2011 for a while because it meant something positively different for my career and my education.
Unfortunately, on January 21st 2011, I was laid off. Although I was eager to move on, I was shocked and disappointed and my ego was hurt and bruised.
With my savings still intact, I tried to look at my unemployment as a blessing. Now I could pursue some freelance gigs, work on a book proposal or two, live off unemployment, and start applying to establishments of higher education. But what really happened was that I went to bed at 4AM, slept until noon, went where I wanted, and did whatever I pleased. I acted like I was on vacation.
My need to do something kept rising however. So besides sending my resume out to various employers, I volunteered to do media work for a friend who ran a local pro wrestling company. I managed their Facebook page; uploaded, edited, and posted videos; built a Twitter following; arranged radio appearances; and did whatever I could to promote the company to the general public.
Shortly thereafter, I made a new friend who became the second biggest altering event of 2011.
We had a lot in common, from music to books to writing to philosophy. We hung out and we talked and we talked and we hung out some more. At least one person who knew us thought we were dating.
But like anything that sprouts without a solid base, we would crash almost as quickly as we became friends. Almost weekly we would fight and argue and jostle with neither giving in until someone’s feelings were hurt.
Looking back, she was one of the smartest people I ever hung out with who didn’t have a degree. She claimed it was irrelevant and that she didn’t need one to be who she was. She wasn’t into accomplishments, she was into people. She had life experiences. She led with her heart, and that was something I didn’t understand nor was good at. So when things got emotional, instead of understanding the situation, I kicked and clawed.
To make matters worse, during that time, she also lost her job. A job she put her heart and soul into. Needless to say, she was also shocked, hurt, and disappointed.
Of course, not realizing what she was going through, I still argued with her, even while she tended her own bruised ego. Making matters even worse was the fact we became drinking buddies, drowning out our sorrows at dive bars throughout Tampa. Not the smartest way to deal.
The day after our last battle, she sent me a text message stating that there was no way we could continue to be friends. She had enough. I tried to assuage the situation, but there was no convincing her otherwise. Her mind was made up and she wanted nothing to do with me.
Looking back, that was a wake-up call for balance. Caring about a career is awesome, fantastic, and great. But you also have to care about people too. Being highly competitive and self-focused might be encouraged in school and in some professions, but you have to turn it off sometimes. There comes a time when it’s not about you. And that’s a tough skill to use when you haven’t used it ever or in a while. To go from a world where accomplishments matter to a world where they don’t is tough. Especially when that killer instinct has led you to a point that you are happy with professionally. Until you are not.
In 2011, I didn’t have life experiences with people. That was missing. I had amazing achievements, but lacked empathy.
That’s what 2011 started. I thought I was on a highway to success that I controlled, only to see everything crash and then crash again. The year I learned people matter, both in the workplace and even more so in friendship.
I am still trying to piece together my career. I am at point now where I know what I’ve got going for me and I am working on how to sell it. I have a lot of experiences, both professionally and in life. I can lead or be part of a team. I can turn it up when I have to, but also understand the value of other people. I’ve gained emotional intelligence and the ability to see things from other perspectives.
And I have also learned that people hire people they like. Besides the social benefit, there is also a professional benefit to being nice.
From 2006 to 2010, I never would have believed that.
